It is important not be obsessed with labels, particularly those that we give to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are a certain kind of person. That we would never do certain things that we have seen other do or that we could never like certain kinds of experiences. These labels could be anything –our ideals , our sense of morality , our idea of how the world is and how it should be , our own self image.. Most of the times these labels stand in our way. The image that we have built for ourselves becomes uncomfortably limiting at best and a prison at the worst. We end up doing things because we want to live up to our own image and not because they make us happy and help us change and grow. There are times when we do things because they are expected of us. That’s fine once in a while , even healthy at times. We want to do them too. But we would be doing ourselves a disservice if we take this too far. And the worst kind of disservice that we can do ourselves is doing things because we expect it of ourselves – when we try to live upto our own self image – and end up limiting our chances of growth, not taking our shot at happiness and undermining positive change and transformation. I know I have made this mistake. These are the perils of telling yourself that you are a certain kind of person – even more dangerous than listening to others tell you that you are a certain kind of person.
I just finished a book which got me thinking along these lines. These thoughts don’t exactly count as epiphanies but they come close. The book is “The fourty rules of Love” by Elfin Shafak. It is not one of the best books I have read – in terms of plot , characters or dialogue , sheer literary merit or even style. But this is one book that has spoken to me and is bound to stay with me forever. It has opened up many lines of enquiry for me to pursue and shown me new ways of thinking. I suppose that’s what good books do or are supposed to do. And this one did that for me.
The plot switches between the stories of the Sufi poet Rumi and his friendship with Shams of Tabriz and a middle aged housewife Ella and her friendship and love with Aziz ,an itinerant photographer and a convert into Sufism. It has a different style of story telling. Different characters voice their perspectives and stories in each chapter as the novel unfolds. Not the best of styles but interesting. There are several secondary characters ,which to be honest are sometimes convenient stepping stones and don’t add much to the story. Every key character has been given a voice of it’s own , except surprisingly for Aziz. Wonder why the author didn’t find it necessary for the readers to know Aziz’s perspective. But if I am being honest , I think this books is neither about plot nor about characters. And it definitely not about a historical account of either Sufism or of Rumi. I think it is primarily about four things : Transformations , Happiness , Love and Conversations – all of them interrelated.
Transformations: This book is primarily about transformations – notably that of Ella and Rumi. Sometimes Ella appears as a metaphorical Rumi. It may appear on the surface that they are undergoing different kinds of transformations and towards very different ends. The contexts of the transformations may be different but the journeys are similar. Only by letting go of what each thought was important to them , only by letting go of what they held very dear , only by letting go of their own self image and what they expected themselves to be – do each of them fulfill their journeys. They had to kill their nafs. And only in doing so would they find their true purpose, true happiness and love. They void themselves to achieve fuller lives. Each of them does so with the help of a guide , Aziz in the case of Ella and Shams in the case of Rumi. And each of them tragically lose their true love once they achieve this transformation. I suppose it is not about happy endings or even about endings. The present is all we have. The book talks about true submission as opposed to meek passivity- a subtle and a beautiful concept. We should submit to the music of the universe as we add our own little notes to it , compose as we are being composed , neither hostages to the past nor dreamers of the future ,composing our present as we ‘let life live through us’ , continually voiding ourselves to lead fuller lives. Never letting ourselves held hostage by others expectations of us and more importantly our own self image.
Happiness: This is related. Mostly we trade comfort for happiness , even confuse them both. We choose comfort and contentment over happiness and tell ourselves that we are happy. The path to happiness is not shod with comfort and contentment is a poor second. It is a journey – a perilous one. Even embarking on it takes courage. And there are no guarantees. Happiness perhaps does not always favor the brave nor does it always have to be a forever after ending. We should all pray that we find within ourselves the courage and the strength to ‘die before our deaths’ to embark on this journey when we have chance to with humble submission on our minds. Because , again unless we void ourselves we wont lead fuller lives.
Love: Sufism is primarily about love- the love for God and by an extension a love for the world and all of humanity. In these troubled , intolerant times we may need this more than ever – a simple love and acceptance of differences. That certainly is in short supply these days. Sufism is also about breaking down of barriers. It is a happy philosophy. It is a rejection of rigid rituals and calcified hierarchies. It is a rejection of intermediaries. It celebrates God by dance , song and poetry and does not just venerate. A close parallel is the Bhakti Movement in Hinduism , the tradition of the Alwars and the Nayanars in Tamil Nadu – where barriers of caste and hierarchy break down, the devotee becomes a lover and is elevated to sainthood. This book is about love of all kinds. The love for God , for humanity , the love between two friends , love between two lovers. The last two form the main theme of the book. These loves blossom unexpectedly , unbeknownst to the lovers themselves . The lovers are able to attain this only after transforming themselves and only after having the courage to embark on the path to happiness. It is beautiful.
Conversations: That’s how love blossoms in the first place! Conversations , dialogue ,sharing. That’s what happens between Ella and Aziz and what happens between Rumi and Shams. Ella and Aziz write emails to each other. Rumi and Shams talk. The power of words and the potency of conversations cannot be overstated. My only complaint with the book is that there could have been more of those in there.
All in all , I think I have changed a bit for the better after reading this book. If that is not a sign of a good book , I do not know what is.
REALLY RANDOM RAMBLINGS 