It was a horrific accident Really horrific. And I was in it. The details of the accident are not very relevant to the story , so I shall spare myself  , the ordeal of recounting them .You should thank me for it. As it would have been an ordeal for you too to listen to me describe the grisly details. Anyways , suffice to say , that the accident was horrific, and I was in it and that I was dying.

Now the realization that I was dying had a strange certainty to it. It had dawned on me just a few seconds ago and I was strangely at peace with the thought. I mean after the initial panic , confusion and the excruciating pain , this realization was almost like a relief. In those last moments , I actually felt proud of myself , for not panicking at the thought of death. I was resigned to it , and in a way looking forward to it even.

I was not thinking about the life that I was leaving behind , but thinking about what lay ahead in store for me. I have always had a religious and spiritual bent , and I started praying , taking the name of the God , I had always worshipped. This made me feel even prouder about myself . I died , thus , the name of the Lord on my lips.

************************************************************************************************

“What do you mean , its all the same?” , I yelled at him for what seemed like the hundredth time.

He smiled again in a superior fashion. He was an incredibly handsome man. He was standing at almost 6.5 , had sharp features , a handsome goatee , and a luxuriant , wavy head of hair.

He was dressed completely in black , in some kind of a suit , which seemed to have been made from a single cloth.

He stood ramrod upright before me , and was smiling down on me.

They had led to me to him , directly as soon as I had arrived here after my death.

After I had  died , there was a period of complete darkness and nothingness , that I had experienced . How long it had lasted ,  I have no way of knowing .

All I can recall is that , after that period , I found myself standing before two huge gates ,of what looked like a huge castle beyond them.

I had asked the guard at the gate , the way to heaven , and I was promptly led here to this man dressed in black , who was now sneering at me.

He had introduced himself as the devil. I was taken aback . I had always been religious  , prayed regularly , had been good , never gave in to temptations , had never taken the Lord’s name in vain . In other words , I was destined for heaven. And why was I meeting with the devil then ? And that too , when I had specifically asked for Heaven. Was all this some kind of an elaborate joke?

I asked the devil pretty much the same. I told him ,that I always had been the loyal servant of the Lord. And that I deserved to be in Heaven , not here with him.

To this the devil laughed , and said , “Its all the same”.

I was confused . I thought may be there was a mistake of some sorts , and that he hadn’t heard me clearly enough , so I asked what he meant by that , and repeated myself all over again.

Again the devil had replied , “Its all the same.”

And that’s when I had lost it and yelled at him.

To which the devil laughed even more.

He said , “Your soul belongs to me anyways”

This was even more of a shock. What the hell did he mean by that?

“But “, I said , “I am not a sinner. I have never given in to any temptation of any sort. Why would my soul belong to you. Or have I ,unknown to myself , committed any sins or given in to any temptations? “

“No no”, the devil said laughing , “you have been a perfectly good boy down on earth. You never were tempted by anything , you always prayed , and no you did not commit any sins.”

“Then ..why would my soul belong to you,” , I asked , “ I am not among those who sold their souls to you , by giving in to temptations. In return for a grand life on earth , they give up their soul to you , and burn for eternity . I am not one of them. I actually prayed and suffered on earth, so that I get a better afterlife.”

“And that is why I pity you . People who sold their souls to me , atleast had great lives on earth. But you , suffered on earth , and still your soul belongs to me.”, he said laughing.

I was positively trembling now. Was this a test? Some sort of a final test of strength?

So I summoned up all my courage and demanded that the devil explain himself.

The devil obliged.

“How do you think I get all the souls that I need.? “ , he asked. “By tempting people into the path of darkness? How many do you think I can get like that? And do you have any idea how much of a hard work it is.? But nevertheless , it is one source , albeit not my main one , it does help me in capturing a segment of the soul market.”

“Then what is your main source?”, I asked.

“People like you.. You know believers. People , as you said , who never give in to temptation. Who pray everyday. “, he said smiling.

“You see, the temptation part is just designed for a particular type of souls. But , you know what about the rest of them. How do I get them.? So , what do I do? I simply create an entity , that people will pray to. I make him look good. I make him the anti thesis of what I stand for. You call him God , and flock to him. You pray to him , ask for your souls to be redeemed , pledge your eternal faith to him. And while you were doing all that , who do you think you were actually pledging your allegiance to.? It was me all the time. In a way you were easy . You were the mass market . You just flocked to this God. The others who wouldn’t pray were in fact ,more difficult , I had to follow them , tempt them , work on them and what not. Personally I would prefer , that all people prayed and be good and never give in to temptations. I don’t have to work , and either ways your soul belongs to me.”

I was dumbstruck.

“Yes , my dear friend , I have heard you people saying that , the greatest trick , the devil has pulled is to convince people he doesn’t exist. That’s not quite it , I am afraid. The greatest trick , I have pulled is to convince people that God exists.”

“Now off you go to the fires of hell.” , he bellowed.

It was the most fashionable restaurant in the town. It had recently opened shop around three months ago and had become quite the talk of the town already. It was the kind of restaurant that the small town had never seen before. Before this one, they had only two restaurants in the town – The Navbharat House of Tiffins (We also do catering for weddings and deaths) and Ganesh Fast Foods. In fact they called them restaurants for lack of a better word , they were more like your regular idly and dosa centers. They had a few tables scattered around , you paid money at the counter out at front , told him what you wanted and took a ‘token’ . You presented this token , to the cook at the back , collected your dish and ate it standing at one of the tables. Navbharat, ofcourse , was slightly evolved , it had a “FAMILY ROOM”  , where there tables and chairs to sit in front of the tables. You had a waiter attending on you , if you sat at one of those tables. You paid a little more than you would if you had simply taken one of those tokens , and on Sunday evenings , you could see the family room full.

But this one was very different from the rest. It was called “Eatzz and Drinkzzz”. It was a theme restaurant. And its theme was yesteryear  Hindi movies. And this actually increased the novelty factor , in that south Indian town , where anything north Indian was looked at as being exotic. You had pictures of yesteryear heroes and heroines ,hanging all across the room , and old hindi songs playing in the background. There were uniformed waiters ,  decked in white shirts and yellow turbans (albeit a little soiled ones) and there was none of this token non sense. And ofcourse they served both South Indian and North Indian “CUSEENS” , as the restaurant called it.

Very soon , it had become the haunt of the more fashionable folk in the town  for eg.  the theater owner  and his wife , who wore a lot of lipstick and high heels , and was the scandal of the town for a long time , because she had called her husband ‘darling’ in public. Sometimes , even the inspector of the town could be seen there ,with his wife and in laws . Needless to say , he got the best service of them all. It had become the place to go to for all , almost aspirational in a sense. Only the English lecturer in the local college bemoaned of “CUSEENS” , and refused to go there , but was the first to land up there , when the outgoing principal was hosting a party. This place was the most fashionable place in the entire town and if you wanted to impress someone , you simply told them how you had just been to EATZZZ and DRINKZZZ.

And this is where S wanted to take J to. He wanted to impress her before he married her. He worked in the local cooperative bank as a cashier , and his parents , had looked up J , as a matrimonial alliance for him , through the traditional channels. She had finished her BA from the local college , could cook and clean , was good looking and was from a decent family. S’ parents were happy even with the dowry that was being offered. All seemed settled , and when a muhurat was being set for the engagement , S dropped a bomb shell on everyone.

“I want to get to know her ,before I marry her” , he told his parents. Now while this was unusual , it was not quite unheard of. And J’s parents were kind of ok with it , as long as they got to know each other , under their watchful eyes . So they said , no problem , he could come to our house a few times , and talk to her.  And then he dropped another bomb shell , “I want to take her out on a date” . This was too much to bear for J’s parents. And they told S , they were a decent family and their girl was a decent girl , who didn’t do “the date stuff” . S was insistent. “Only then will I marry her” , he announced. J’s parents wouldn’t budge. They were even ready to call the wedding off. But J stepped in. She liked S , and wanted to get married to him. So she reasoned with her father. Her father also saw that , S was perhaps one of the more eligible grooms in the town , and after a lot of persuasion , finally gave in.  And J’s parents , gave her a lot of lessons on proper conduct during a date , right from how she should drape her sari to  and down to what she should talk. They specifically warned her of avoiding any physical contact. It was at this point that her mother had broken down into tears.

Finally the day of the date arrived.. Her mother wished her a tearful farewell and adjusted her sari for the hundredth time. Her father dropped her off at the restaurant. S was waiting for her at the entrance. He was told brusquely by her father that , he would be back in an hour. S nodded obediently. Then , he took her inside and they both sat at a corner table. Her father , wanting to keep an eye on them , just hovered outside the entrance.

Now , S actually had different plans. He had not asked for the date , to get to know her . He already liked her. But he wanted to propose to her , like he had seen in many Hollywood movies. He only half understood those movies , but he watched them regularly on cable television. And he always saw the woman cry and say yes , and everybody around clapping , when the man proposed. And this is exactly what he wanted to. It had been a long standing fantasy of his and besides he also wanted to sweep her off her feet before he married her. And he already had made arrangements for that.

He was friends with the owner of the restaurant and had discussed this thoroughly with him. In the movies , the guy would drop the ring , in a glass of champagne , and when the girl picked up the glass to drink , she noticed the ring , would say yes and cry tears of happiness. But then , he was a good Brahmin , so there would be no champagne. So they decided to settle for a glass of Coke. The waiter would bring two glasses of coke , he would ask her to pick it up and drink it , and the rest would logically follow. He had even arranged for the clapping . The waiters would do it. It all seemed so simple yet brilliant. He was so happy with himself.

And so , according to the plan , a while after they were seated . He asked for coke. She said she didn’t like coke. He was taken aback. He hadn’t anticipated this. He had decided on coke , because it was dark enough , to conceal the ring , he didn’t want her to see it too soon. He started at her stupidly for a while , and asked how about pepsi. She said no to that also. She didn’t not like soft drinks , just water will do , she said. The plan was more and more in danger of falling apart now. He was nervous , he fidgeted for a while , and then an idea struck him. If the water was brought in a glass , she might see the ring , so he asked the waiter to bring the water , in a steel glass, which she couldn’t see through. Though he knew , she was thinking he was weird , he had no other choice.

And so water was brought in a steel glasses , and one of them had a ring in it. The one with the ring was placed before her.  And that’s when he made a fatal mistake. In his excitement and a desire to perfectly imitate the movies he had seen, he leaned over towards her , and slightly touched her hand. He wanted to hold her hand , and make a statement of sorts.

Now unfortunately , she was so conditioned not to allow physical contact , that , when she felt his hand touching hers , she suddenly jerked her hand away. And this had the doubly unfortunate effect , of knocking over the flower vase , at the center of the table , which in turn knocked over her glass of water.

He saw this . He sprung into action . The ring had fallen down to the floor , and she hadn’t noticed it yet. So he leapt out of his chair and fell down to the floor to retrieve it before she could see it. Unfortunately the ring , had fallen near her feet. And he started groping on the floor , near her feet , and in his excitement to retrieve it , he forgot everything , and lifted the hem of her saree just a teeny weeny bit , for a better view near her feet.

She was shocked. The guy , she wanted to marry , a pervert!!!! He had tried to touch her hand , and when she hadn’t allowed it , was lifting her sari!!!! She jerked upright and tried to stand all at once. She had tears in her eyes. Unfortunately , in her sudden movement , the table got knocked over ,with all the cutlery on it falling to the ground making a huge clang .

Hearing the sound , her ever alert father , rushed into the restaurant. And J , who had been standing upright , with S at her feet. , saw her father and tears streamed down her eyes. Her fiancé was a pervert , and she had defied her father to come on a date with him . And seeing him now , she wasn’t able to control herself anymore and started crying.

The waiters , who had rushed forward , to set the table upright , saw that J was crying and S was kneeling before her , holding the ring , which he had managed to retrieve.

They had been told many times , by S before , that this was their cue to clap , when they saw J crying.

And they started clapping.

*********************************************************************

Last heard , the wedding was called off.

They were desperate for his return. Her and her sons.  Her husband , had gone off saying he had to attend a meeting almost an year ago , and hadn’t returned yet.  She was sick with worry . She desperately hoped that nothing would have happened to him , yet ,somehow feared the worst. Was he seriously hurt ? Kidnapped ? Was he even alive? Or worse still , had he gotten sick of her and her children and left them for another woman or another way of life?

She had loved him dearly and had been a good wife. She cooked well , and had always kept the house clean and herself presentable for him. She would take care of the children and made sure that they didn’t get too naughty to bother him. And he had loved them too. In all their 10 years of marriage , she had never had any complaint with him. He was responsible , took good care of her , and loved the kids. True , he might have raised his voice sometimes , when he had a particularly hard day at work , and occasionally slapped her , but those instances were very rare , and she had always told herself that , being a good wife , she should take all of that in her stride.

She prayed everyday for his return. And had hoped desperately that he would. And when after 9 months of hoping and praying he hadn’t returned , she slowly started getting resigned to the fact that , he may , after all not return. It was a strange resignation , the kind that would be replaced by a longing hope again , at a faint glimmer of a chance.

But she couldn’t help crying in the night , when she lay down in her bed , with her children by her side. And the bigger problem was the children , who also cried everyday for their father. He had been very fond of them and they had loved their father. And they cried everyday for him.

One of these nights , the younger one , who was six , was crying more than usual. Someone at school , had taunted him for not knowing where his father was , and this had made him very sad. He had refused to eat that evening , after coming back from school , wouldn’t talk to anyone , and now when his mother asked , for the reason , he began crying. He wouldn’t calm down and was refusing to go to school unless told when his father would return. She didn’t know what to do. And in desperation she told him ,

“You know , how I told you papa had gone to that meeting. Its over finally, and he is coming back in a month’s time”

The little one looked suspicious , “ A month ?? Why would it take papa that long to come from Kolkata”

She didn’t know what to say. Then she added in a lighthearted tone , “ Not Kolkata silly , Papa is in the US , he had to go there . He is coming back.”

“How do you know?”, hopeful yet suspicious.

“You know , Uncle M , told me the other day over phone”, she said.

That did it . The little one was very happy . He looked up to his uncle and besides, uncle M was out of town , so he couldn’t go running to confirm from him. So she was safe for the moment.

The next day , at school , the little one , of course had to boast to his earlier tormenter. He went up to him , puffed his chest and said proudly , “I know where my papa is and he is coming back in a month. My mom told me that my Uncle M said that.”

The tormenter was dumbfounded. He had always heard his parents talk about how no body knew where the little one’s father was and that he might perhaps never come back and how unfortunate the little one’s mother was.

And so in the evening he, of course had to clear his doubt with his parents. He told his mother what the little one had said.

His mother talked to his father about  this during bed time.

Now , the father was an astrologer of some renown in that small town. He and Uncle M had been classmates and a sort of rivalry existed between them. He was never one who liked to be caught unawares and did not want Uncle M , to get all the credit for this.

The next day , when he was having tea with the postmaster he casually mentioned this and then emphatically said , “Ofcourse , I always knew this would happen. You know , the stars had always indicated this.” , then he lowered his voice for dramatic effect –the postmaster had to lean in to hear , “in fact , it was M who had lost hope that his brother in law could ever be found. I was the one who told him to keep searching . The stars are never wrong.”

The postmaster was a middle aged , devout man who had great reverence for the astrologer. And he was duly impressed with this. That night , while singing praises of the astrologer to his wife , he said , “you know , he even predicted that the poor lady’s husband is going to return , and it is happening.” .His wife was also impressed.

The postmaster’s wife was friends with the wife of the inspector of police of the town. And in the vegetable market next day , over lots of other gossip , she also told him of the astrologer’s prediction and how it was going to come true.

That evening , the inspector’s wife told her husband about this. Now , the inspector had assisted in the search for the missing husband . He had been newly appointed in the town and had been newly married to his wife , who was also from the same town. He ofcourse did not want to appear clueless in front of his wife ,”Ofcourse , I always knew it . All the signs were there , that he had gone off to some foreign country. In fact I was the one who had indicated that the investigation proceed in that direction. But then , darling , you know the work pressure , I couldn’t follow through on it. Anyways am glad that I am right.”

His wife was suitably impressed and she told her parents how her husband had helped trace out the poor lady’s husband.

Her parents were impressed too. The father was initially skeptical about his daughter’s marriage with ‘that Inspector guy’ as he called him , but now it all seemed good. He boasted to all his friends what a smart son in law he had and how the poor lady’s husband would soon return , thanks to his son in law.

So the word spread. And in two days , it was generally believed that the poor lady’s husband would return in a month.

And when M returned to town , he couldn’t believe it when at least 5 people told him that his brother in law was returning within a month. They of course , had conveniently omitted his part in it.

He rushed off to tell his sister.

“You know your husband is in some foreign country and will return in a month .Everybody is saying” , he told her.

She jumped in delight  and rushed to tell the good news to her kids.

She was neither particularly beautiful nor particularly alluring in anyway, atleast not in the conventional sense. Nor had she any particular feature that stood out or was striking to behold in any manner. In fact , she was quite plain to look at.

Her complexion could have been called dusky, but was tending more towards the darker side. She had small expressionless eyes and a rather smallish nose. Slightly sunken cheeks below rather prominent cheekbones served to give her something of a proud air. Her shoulder length hair was severely tied back into a neat ponytail. She had a large forehead ,on which were a few strands of hair ,which had escaped the severe punishment inflicted on their other brethren , and as such were showing off their rebelliousness.

She was thin of build and had smallish breasts. Her hips were wide for one with such thinness of build. She was dressed in a black, almost knee length kurti on blue jeans , which were jagged at the ends, She had on a pair of light brown floaters ,which advertised her uncut , slightly dirty toenails.

As the reader can perceive , she was quite plain . One might not have given her a second look if one had seen her on a busy street or someplace crowded. However, the place where I was then , was neither a street nor was it crowded. In fact , excluding me, her and the bookshop owner, there were two more people in there.

We were in a large used books shop. It was big but it was nothing much of a shop actually. It was on the pavement in a side alley. Lot of books were just piled on one another on raised wooden platforms. These wooden platforms were set against a 10 foot wall and this was throwing a cool shade on the shop , thus serving as protection from the sun. It was on of my favorite haunts,  the coolness of the place , combined with the collection of books , afforded one the opportunity to while away several hours pleasantly , just diving through the piles and fishing for and browsing through those books. I came here almost every weekend.

It was one such weekend , a lazy Saturday afternoon. I preferred to come here on Saturdays ,because on Sundays this place became very crowded and if you are the leisurely type , you wouldn’t want to elbow nor be elbowed while browsing through books.

She was standing a few feet away from me , leafing through a book. May be she sensed that I was looking at her , she suddenly turned in my direction and looked at me . I didn’t stop looking at her. We exchanged glances for a brief moment and she went back to her leafing.

I noticed the title of the book . It was one by Dawkins, The God Delusion . I started thinking about the book . On how well Dawkins articulates , on the cogency of his thoughts , and the almost missionary passion that he brings to atheism . However , sometimes the stridency of the book disturbed me a little. As I was thinking , I noticed that she had put that book down and had picked up Sagan’s Demon Haunted World. Ofcourse , I thought , compared to Dawkins , Sagan was so balanced , couching his arguments in a much less strident language. As I started thinking about balance , and careful language and gentle critcisim , I noticed Will Durant’s Story of Philosphy. And I could not help reflecting on his balanced and almost gentle criticisms of various philosophers. As I leafed through that book , I came across a lot of philosophers whom I had always tried to understand but could not.

As I was cursorily going through the book , wondering was there any philosopher that I understood even slightly , I noticed her picking up a title by Bertrand Russell . Ofcourse , I thought , here was a man whom I understood a little atleast . I started thinking about his writings and his most famous came to my mind “ Why Am I not a Christian” . As I was recollecting what was said in the essay , thoughts about religion , about atheism and about science started coming to my mind.  As I was thinking about them , I noticed some of the best works on science that I had ever read , selfish gene , climbing mount improbable , dragons of eden , cosmos . All of them first rate , all of them immensely pleasurable reads. As I was thinking about those books , I was thinking not about their contents , but about the  pleasures , of curiosity , of surprise ,of admiration and most commonly of discovery that are almost always associated with them.  As I was wondering , if there were any other books , by reading which I had derived so much pleasure , I noticed her leafing through a collection of short stories of Maugham .

Bingo , I thought .That was indeed one author , that I loved. I mean , his was probably some of the first novels that I had ever read. And they had left a lasting impression. As she was leafing through the book , my thoughts strayed from Maugham’s novels to his short stories and some of my favorites started coming to my mind. Lord Mount drago , alien corn , a string of beads . I reflected on his writing style , the really amazing characters , and most of all his some of his unforgettable quotes . This led me on a bylane to think about humor and thereby some of it’s practitioning authors. And ofcourse Wodehouse sprang to mind immediately. I begain thinking about his works. The eccentric characters, the rib ticklngly funny lines , and the improbable , hilarious situations. I remarked to myself that , Wodehouse’s humor indeed comes from a combination of interesting characters and improbable situations , but his humor is never insane. As I was reflecting thus , I noticed her picking up a work of Douglas Adams . Ofcourse , I thought , the undisputed emperor of insane humor.

It continued ,thus, for around two hours.

After around two hours , I noticed her coming towards me. She was smiling at me.

“Coffee honey?” , she said , “I am tired”

“Sure” , I said , “the usual place?”

“yes”, she said

As I walked out of the shop with her , she said ,” You know ,that was the one of the best conversations I ever had”

I beamed down at my wife of two years. I was so glad I had married her.