“You are both blinded by your own ego. You have to learn to let go of it. Have you not been paying attention to a word of what I have been saying”? This was His Holiness. He sounded exasperated.

“Your Holiness, I beg your pardon, but Reddy here needs this lesson more than I do. He is the one who is not willing to let go”, Naidu said.

“Oh yeah, I need this lesson more?” Reddy retorted in a sarcastic tone, drawing out every word. Then he turned to His Holiness, “Your Holiness, he keeps insulting me and yet wants concessions from me. Just a few minutes back he insulted my wife, questioned her character”

“It’s not an insult if it is true”, Naidu butted in. He was smirking slyly. “What about the names you called me? What about the subtle suggestion that I may have more than one father?”

It was Reddy’s turn to smirk. “First of all, there was nothing subtle about the suggestion”, he half chuckled here, “And as you say, it is not an insult if it is true. Now who needs the lesson more?”

Naidu, red with anger, violently lunged out of his chair. Seeing this, Reddy sprang up, ready for the assault he knew to be coming. And for the third time in half an hour, His Holiness’s two disciples had to intervene. They quickly ran one each to Reddy and Naidu and held them back. They made them sit back in their chairs. The disciples went back to standing in their respective corners.

It was a high ceilinged, largish room. This was the room in which His Holiness gave audience to devotees and visitors. The walls and the ceiling were painted white. On the walls hung large life sized paintings of various Hindu gods and goddesses. There were also two large photographs of His Holiness. One of them was in profile, showing His Holiness deep in thought and gazing into the distance. The other one was a frontal shot with His Holiness smiling visage beaming down on anyone who would set their eyes on the photograph. Right under this photograph, stood a high backed ornate throne like chair, meant for His Holiness. He was sitting in this chair now, cross legged, looking a little troubled and very annoyed with Reddy and Naidu.

Reddy and Naidu were seated facing his Holiness in simple plastic chairs. There was no other furniture in the room. Even these chairs were brought in especially for Reddy and Naidu. Normally visitors and devotees sat on the floor while His Holiness seated himself on the throne. But these were no ordinary visitors. They were two of the wealthiest businessmen in the town, not to mention generous donors to His Holiness’s ashram. So exceptions were made. And besides the purpose of this visit was not spiritual in nature. It was more mundane and earthly. Naidu and Reddy had a long standing land dispute, which had of late become nasty and had started affecting others in the town. With their businesses and resources, both of these businessmen generated significant employment. A two decade old land dispute had turned them into arch rivals. Litigation ensued and would have continued for another two decades and even more. However a recent government initiative made matters a little more urgent. The town was of some minor historical importance and the state government was running an initiative to promote tourism across the state. As part of that initiative the town received grants to develop a certain area of the town. The disputed land was right in the middle of this area. The whole project would be in danger if the dispute was not resolved. And the only way to quickly resolve it was an out of court settlement.

Other prominent citizens of the town had gotten together, including the district magistrate and the superintendent of police. They tried to prevail upon the two businessmen to settle their dispute so that the whole town could benefit. But to no avail. The rivalry had gone or for too long and ran so deep that the businessmen refused to compromise. It was no longer only the land dispute that was the problem between them. It had spilled over to many other aspects of their relationship. It was personal now.

After trying and failing, these prominent citizens, as a last ditch effort, had approached His Holiness. For all their rivalry, Reddy and Naidu had one thing in common. They were both deeply devout and particularly venerated His Holiness. They were both generous donors to the Ashram. The citizens felt that if anybody could prevail upon the two to resolve their dispute, it would be His Holiness. They would not, could not say no to Him.

On his part His Holiness was reluctant to intervene. He did have a history of successful mediations but they were for domestic matters –small change compared to what he was being asked to do now. He did not want to get involved in property and money matters. But those prominent citizens could not be turned away. They begged him to intervene. Pointed out the benefits to the town that a successful resolution would bring. They sang his praises. Extolled his spirituality and called His Holiness –Him of the Golden Tongue. His Holiness finally relented and agreed to talk to the two. But he still did not like interfering.

His Holiness had a stellar reputation in the town and in the neighboring villages. Devotees thronged to his Ashram to hear his sermons. And it is true what the prominent citizens had said. His Holiness, indeed was possessed of a golden tongue. He was a gifted speaker. He knew his scriptures and lore well. And he could expound in a manner that was accessible and profound at the same time. He was also genuinely moved by human suffering and with the help of generous donors had actually run several good initiatives for the poor and the needy. He regularly gave audiences and dispensed advice-both spiritual and mundane. Several marriages owed their longevity to him, as did the unity of many families… True, he had his faults. But those faults were refreshingly very un-godman like. He enjoyed good food and had an incorrigible sweet tooth. He also liked forwarding Good morning messages on WhatsApp. Some townsfolk could not forgive these flaws. They could not forgive anything that made the Godman human. But most devotees did. His Holiness was kind. He had great presence and a better presence of mind. He was witty and at times funny. His sermons were peppered with humor, which sometimes bordered on the risqué. Most devotees felt closer to him because he could be both godman like and human. And they continued thronging to him. He had a kind word for everyone and seemed to be curiously devoid of affectations that afflicted other godmen. In short, His Holiness was a decent man, a genuine curiosity in our times.

It was this decency that explained His Holiness’s hesitation to intervene. He was not sure if that was the right thing to do. But he had given into flattery and had agreed. And he regretted his decision five minutes into the meeting. Bawling toddlers would have been better, His Holiness was thinking. No sooner had the meeting begun, Reddy and Naidu had started trading insults. They almost came to blows three times. Luckily his disciples had been at hand to intervene. And it had not even been half an hour. He was cursing himself for having agreed to do this. This meeting was just after lunch and this is what he had given up post lunch siesta for! Besides he had begun to feel a little funny. Something that he had eaten during lunch was not agreeing with his stomach and he wasn’t feeling too good. He shifted uncomfortably on his throne, feeling aggrieved, annoyed and angry with himself.

Yet something had to be done. He had to take control of the situation. He raised his voice. He had an impressive baritone.

“Enough, you two”, His Holiness barked at them, “You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. This is not behavior fit for this ashram. Behave yourselves.”

Reddy looked petulant. Naidu sullen.

His Holiness softened.  He said softly now, “Listen, I have called you here with a purpose. Think of the greater good. Think of the town. Think of what can happen, if you two are able to put your differences aside. I am appealing to your higher nature. Is your higher nature not calling upon you? Can you ignore its call”?

Naidu spoke up even before His Holiness had ended his sentence. “Your Holiness, I had come here with good intent. I am willing to compromise. It is Reddy who is the problem. What higher nature, Sire, he is not even human”

Then it begun all over again. Reddy started yelling. They again started trading insults.

His Holiness was now not feeling too good. These two were getting on his nerves. And there were funny noises emerging from his considerable, rotund belly. Luckily these sounds were drowned in the general yelling. But his Holiness knew the noises only too well. He had regrettably extensive experience with these noises. His Holiness, in his fondness for food, was not entirely discriminating or moderate. And from time to time, these noises reminded him of his immoderation. These noises were but a prelude to what His Holiness knew would be an unpleasant afternoon most of which would be spent in the rest room. He was not looking forward to it. Yet he knew with sinking certainty, what was to be. He squirmed in his seat, his face contorting as the first wave of extreme discomfort swept through him. His disciples noticed this too. And they recognized the signs immediately. They made a mental note to cancel the rest of his audiences for the day.

In his squirming and contortions, his Holiness had zoned out. He suddenly came to and realized that he had to postpone the meeting. He could not possibly continue like this. Dealing with this, when he was at his best was in itself difficult. In the state that he was in and thinking of what was to come, it was well-nigh impossible.  He would ask them to come back tomorrow. And he would tell them to stop behaving like children and think about their behavior. He would again appeal to them to listen to the call of their higher nature.

And he told them all of that. Their response surprised him.

“Nothing will change, your Holiness”, Naidu said, “What will change by tomorrow”

“Yes sire”, Reddy spoke up, “some people will never change. Much less in a day”

At least they agreed on something.

“I urge you two to think about what I am saying. Please think this over. Sleep over this. Come back tomorrow. Listen to what I am saying. Tomorrow would be better. I don’t think we can do this now”, His Holiness in an imploring tone.

“This man won’t change by tomorrow, Sire. He won’t change in ages”

“Yeah and what about you, you two faced thief”

“Bastard”

“Cuckold”

They continued abusing each other.

His Holiness sighed. What would he do with them? What could he tell them to make them leave? He could not possibly tell them what he was going through and what sort of an afternoon he expected to have. As he was grappling with these questions, a sudden spasm in his belly urgently informed His Holiness that he could wait no longer. He had to go now. Otherwise it will be too late. Whether or not Reddy and Naidu heeded to the calls of their higher nature, he certainly had a call he could no longer ignore.

He uncrossed his legs and hurriedly got up from his throne. He stood up and hurriedly tried to make for the door which led to his personal chambers. He was wearing a long saffron robe and in his hurry he tripped. As he tripped he fell face first and landed fully prostrate at the feet of the two businessmen.

For a second the two were too busy to notice. They were still yelling at each other. But the loud thud from His Holiness’s fall made them look in the direction of the throne and finding it empty they were momentarily confused. They looked around the room and a couple of seconds later when they noticed the Sire prostrate at their feet, they screamed and sprang out of their chairs. The two disciples, who were also momentarily distracted, to notice the fall, saw the Sire lying down at the feet of the two businessmen. They were too stunned to move for a few seconds. And then they rushed forward.

Meanwhile, His Holiness was himself confused. He remembered he was erect a moment ago. He was not entirely sure how he had ended up on the floor. He tried to find his bearings and understand what happened. And then another spasm hit, with greater urgency, this time. Nothing mattered after that. What happened? Why was he on the floor? How did he end up here? All of these questions could be answered later. His Holiness sprang upright from his prostrate position with surprising agility for someone so rotund. His disciples who had almost reached him stopped in their tracks surprised at this feat of agility.

As he stood up, His Holiness was now face to face with Reddy and Naidu. All color had left both their faces. His Holiness had prostrated in front of them! They were shivering. Their lips were quivering.

“Your Holiness  …” one of them tried to speak.

His Holiness could stand it no longer. He folded his hands and begged them.

“Please I can’t take it anymore. Please, please come back tomorrow”

“Your Holiness, a thousand apologies for our behavior. It was not worthy…..”

“Please, please. I have to go. Please come back tomorrow.” His Holiness folded his hands once again.

“Your Holiness, we will behave. We have been boors. Please forgive us. Don’t leave us”

His Holiness now had started at a trot towards the door that led to his personal chambers. The two businessmen started trotting beside him. “Please Sire, please don’t go”

“I have to, you don’t understand. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t take it”.

One of them dared to lightly grab the sire by his elbow. His Holiness slowed down for a moment and was horrified when he realized he had slowed down.

“Don’t stop me, please. I beg of you two”, His Holiness was almost in tears.”Let me go. I can’t be here anymore. Don’t follow me.”

At this the two stopped. His Holiness rushed out of the door. He reached his chambers and entered the restroom. Luckily, he was just in time. But he knew, he was going to spend a long afternoon in there.

****************************************************************************************************************************

His Holiness had recovered by the next morning. He had to skip dinner and had to take his usual pill, but he had fully recovered. He was even in high spirits. He would see those two again today, he thought. He doubted he could do much but he had given his word and he would try his best. He even promised himself that he would watch what he ate today. He did not want a repeat of yesterday. As he was thinking these thoughts, he heard a knock on his door.

“Enter”, he said.

It was one of his disciples.

He bowed low and said, “Sire, the District Magistrate and the Superintendent of the Police are here. They are requesting an audience.”

His Holiness was surprised. It was quite unlike them to drop in unannounced. Did something else come up? Was there a new urgency to resolve the dispute? Were they here to check on the status?

His Holiness was a little worried now. He resolved to tell them that he was trying and it was not an easy problem to solve. The two businessmen would kill each other before compromising. But he would still try.

Thinking these thoughts, he entered the audience room. The DM and the SP were seated in the same plastic chairs as Reddy and Naidu were sitting in yesterday. As soon as he entered the room, the two got up and prostrated themselves before him. His Holiness blessed them and took his seat on the throne. He was about to speak, when the DM spoke up.

“Thank you, your Holiness. We can’t thank you enough for what you have done.”

“Truly sire, you are a true miracle worker. You resolved a 20 year old dispute in less than a day”

His Holiness was confused. He noticed that both the DM and the SP were beaming.

“I am meeting them today. I was going to call them”, he mumbled.

“I am glad to hear that Sire. But they are too ashamed. You may have to coax them to come”, the DM said.

“Ashamed? Why?” His Holiness was getting increasingly puzzled.

“Your Holiness, you truly are not of this world if you have to ask that question”, the SP said reverentially, “I mean I would be ashamed too if I were in their position”

“Yes sire”, the DM said, “they told us what happened. They were bawling like babies”

His Holiness, while still confused, understood that this was something good.

“So, what did they tell you?” he asked his eyebrows knitted.

“That you really showed them how to let go of their ego. How to answer the call of their higher nature”, the DM replied.

“Go on”, His Holiness said.

“Yes Sire”, the SP now eagerly cut in, “they told us how they behaved like boors. How they behaved in a way that was not worthy of your holy presence. Yet, you showed them how to leave their egos behind.”

“And how did I exactly did I do that? Did they say?” the Holiness asked.

“Of course sire. And it was very moving. What you did? You truly are great Sire”, the SP.

“You sire, a pontiff, a man of God, the most revered, learned in the scriptures, otherworldly…” the SP was going on.

“Yes, yes “, the Holiness cut in impatiently, “I am all of those things. What is it that I am supposed to have done?”

“Just like you Sire, just like you”, the DM said folding his hands in reverence, “Just like to always be teaching us the lessons of life. Even now you are testing us. This town is truly fortunate to have you, your Holiness”

“Listen…” your Holiness was getting annoyed now.

But the DM spoke up. “You Sire, a person like you. You fell at their feet. At their feet, sire. At the feet of two mere mortals. Two uncultured boors, according to their own confession.”

“And that is when it dawned on them Sire”, the SP said, “That is what letting go of ego means. If you could fall at their feet and stand in front of them with folded hands, can’t they let go of their egos and to resolve a small dispute”.

“Sire, it is a lesson that you have taught to all of us, not only to them. We will always remember this Sire”.

His Holiness was shocked. But he had the presence of mind to just nod along.

“They told us they tried to stop you from leaving. But that you were rushing out. That you seemed in a hurry. And in not a little pain”, the DM

“Yes, I was in pain”, His Holiness intoned gravely.

“They told us Sire. They are aware and ashamed of the pain that they caused you.”

“But now they understand Sire. Now they understand why you had left in such a hurry”

“They do?” His Holiness asked, looking a little worried.

“Yes Sire. You left because it was the right time to leave”, the SP said.

“Yes, it would have been disastrous otherwise”, His Holiness.

“Disastrous Sire?” the SP asked

“Yes, too late, I meant”, His Holiness

“Yes Sire that was the right time to leave. To give them the time to think about what just happened. To not accept their apologies then and there. What a lesson Sire, what a lesson”, the SP.

“They waited for a while, hoping you would come back Sire”, the DM said, “but you didn’t come back. They waited for two hours. They tried to ask your disciples. But your disciples would simply lower their head and say gravely that you were not coming back today. By the way, Sire, your disciples truly understand your methods. They are truly deserving to be serving you, Sire”

“They sure are”, His Holiness nodded.

“That’s when it dawned on them Sire. Your lesson. What you were trying to teach them. They rushed out of the Ashram and came immediately to us. They were bawling as I said. They told us that the land dispute is no longer going to be a problem”

“Please accept our humble gratitude, Sire”, he continued, “You have taught us all a great lesson. You have taught us all how to heed the call of one’s higher nature.

“Yes, that is true”, His Holiness sighed, “When nature calls, one cannot resist”

It was a horrific accident Really horrific. And I was in it. The details of the accident are not very relevant to the story , so I shall spare myself  , the ordeal of recounting them .You should thank me for it. As it would have been an ordeal for you too to listen to me describe the grisly details. Anyways , suffice to say , that the accident was horrific, and I was in it and that I was dying.

Now the realization that I was dying had a strange certainty to it. It had dawned on me just a few seconds ago and I was strangely at peace with the thought. I mean after the initial panic , confusion and the excruciating pain , this realization was almost like a relief. In those last moments , I actually felt proud of myself , for not panicking at the thought of death. I was resigned to it , and in a way looking forward to it even.

I was not thinking about the life that I was leaving behind , but thinking about what lay ahead in store for me. I have always had a religious and spiritual bent , and I started praying , taking the name of the God , I had always worshipped. This made me feel even prouder about myself . I died , thus , the name of the Lord on my lips.

************************************************************************************************

“What do you mean , its all the same?” , I yelled at him for what seemed like the hundredth time.

He smiled again in a superior fashion. He was an incredibly handsome man. He was standing at almost 6.5 , had sharp features , a handsome goatee , and a luxuriant , wavy head of hair.

He was dressed completely in black , in some kind of a suit , which seemed to have been made from a single cloth.

He stood ramrod upright before me , and was smiling down on me.

They had led to me to him , directly as soon as I had arrived here after my death.

After I had  died , there was a period of complete darkness and nothingness , that I had experienced . How long it had lasted ,  I have no way of knowing .

All I can recall is that , after that period , I found myself standing before two huge gates ,of what looked like a huge castle beyond them.

I had asked the guard at the gate , the way to heaven , and I was promptly led here to this man dressed in black , who was now sneering at me.

He had introduced himself as the devil. I was taken aback . I had always been religious  , prayed regularly , had been good , never gave in to temptations , had never taken the Lord’s name in vain . In other words , I was destined for heaven. And why was I meeting with the devil then ? And that too , when I had specifically asked for Heaven. Was all this some kind of an elaborate joke?

I asked the devil pretty much the same. I told him ,that I always had been the loyal servant of the Lord. And that I deserved to be in Heaven , not here with him.

To this the devil laughed , and said , “Its all the same”.

I was confused . I thought may be there was a mistake of some sorts , and that he hadn’t heard me clearly enough , so I asked what he meant by that , and repeated myself all over again.

Again the devil had replied , “Its all the same.”

And that’s when I had lost it and yelled at him.

To which the devil laughed even more.

He said , “Your soul belongs to me anyways”

This was even more of a shock. What the hell did he mean by that?

“But “, I said , “I am not a sinner. I have never given in to any temptation of any sort. Why would my soul belong to you. Or have I ,unknown to myself , committed any sins or given in to any temptations? “

“No no”, the devil said laughing , “you have been a perfectly good boy down on earth. You never were tempted by anything , you always prayed , and no you did not commit any sins.”

“Then ..why would my soul belong to you,” , I asked , “ I am not among those who sold their souls to you , by giving in to temptations. In return for a grand life on earth , they give up their soul to you , and burn for eternity . I am not one of them. I actually prayed and suffered on earth, so that I get a better afterlife.”

“And that is why I pity you . People who sold their souls to me , atleast had great lives on earth. But you , suffered on earth , and still your soul belongs to me.”, he said laughing.

I was positively trembling now. Was this a test? Some sort of a final test of strength?

So I summoned up all my courage and demanded that the devil explain himself.

The devil obliged.

“How do you think I get all the souls that I need.? “ , he asked. “By tempting people into the path of darkness? How many do you think I can get like that? And do you have any idea how much of a hard work it is.? But nevertheless , it is one source , albeit not my main one , it does help me in capturing a segment of the soul market.”

“Then what is your main source?”, I asked.

“People like you.. You know believers. People , as you said , who never give in to temptation. Who pray everyday. “, he said smiling.

“You see, the temptation part is just designed for a particular type of souls. But , you know what about the rest of them. How do I get them.? So , what do I do? I simply create an entity , that people will pray to. I make him look good. I make him the anti thesis of what I stand for. You call him God , and flock to him. You pray to him , ask for your souls to be redeemed , pledge your eternal faith to him. And while you were doing all that , who do you think you were actually pledging your allegiance to.? It was me all the time. In a way you were easy . You were the mass market . You just flocked to this God. The others who wouldn’t pray were in fact ,more difficult , I had to follow them , tempt them , work on them and what not. Personally I would prefer , that all people prayed and be good and never give in to temptations. I don’t have to work , and either ways your soul belongs to me.”

I was dumbstruck.

“Yes , my dear friend , I have heard you people saying that , the greatest trick , the devil has pulled is to convince people he doesn’t exist. That’s not quite it , I am afraid. The greatest trick , I have pulled is to convince people that God exists.”

“Now off you go to the fires of hell.” , he bellowed.

It was the most fashionable restaurant in the town. It had recently opened shop around three months ago and had become quite the talk of the town already. It was the kind of restaurant that the small town had never seen before. Before this one, they had only two restaurants in the town – The Navbharat House of Tiffins (We also do catering for weddings and deaths) and Ganesh Fast Foods. In fact they called them restaurants for lack of a better word , they were more like your regular idly and dosa centers. They had a few tables scattered around , you paid money at the counter out at front , told him what you wanted and took a ‘token’ . You presented this token , to the cook at the back , collected your dish and ate it standing at one of the tables. Navbharat, ofcourse , was slightly evolved , it had a “FAMILY ROOM”  , where there tables and chairs to sit in front of the tables. You had a waiter attending on you , if you sat at one of those tables. You paid a little more than you would if you had simply taken one of those tokens , and on Sunday evenings , you could see the family room full.

But this one was very different from the rest. It was called “Eatzz and Drinkzzz”. It was a theme restaurant. And its theme was yesteryear  Hindi movies. And this actually increased the novelty factor , in that south Indian town , where anything north Indian was looked at as being exotic. You had pictures of yesteryear heroes and heroines ,hanging all across the room , and old hindi songs playing in the background. There were uniformed waiters ,  decked in white shirts and yellow turbans (albeit a little soiled ones) and there was none of this token non sense. And ofcourse they served both South Indian and North Indian “CUSEENS” , as the restaurant called it.

Very soon , it had become the haunt of the more fashionable folk in the town  for eg.  the theater owner  and his wife , who wore a lot of lipstick and high heels , and was the scandal of the town for a long time , because she had called her husband ‘darling’ in public. Sometimes , even the inspector of the town could be seen there ,with his wife and in laws . Needless to say , he got the best service of them all. It had become the place to go to for all , almost aspirational in a sense. Only the English lecturer in the local college bemoaned of “CUSEENS” , and refused to go there , but was the first to land up there , when the outgoing principal was hosting a party. This place was the most fashionable place in the entire town and if you wanted to impress someone , you simply told them how you had just been to EATZZZ and DRINKZZZ.

And this is where S wanted to take J to. He wanted to impress her before he married her. He worked in the local cooperative bank as a cashier , and his parents , had looked up J , as a matrimonial alliance for him , through the traditional channels. She had finished her BA from the local college , could cook and clean , was good looking and was from a decent family. S’ parents were happy even with the dowry that was being offered. All seemed settled , and when a muhurat was being set for the engagement , S dropped a bomb shell on everyone.

“I want to get to know her ,before I marry her” , he told his parents. Now while this was unusual , it was not quite unheard of. And J’s parents were kind of ok with it , as long as they got to know each other , under their watchful eyes . So they said , no problem , he could come to our house a few times , and talk to her.  And then he dropped another bomb shell , “I want to take her out on a date” . This was too much to bear for J’s parents. And they told S , they were a decent family and their girl was a decent girl , who didn’t do “the date stuff” . S was insistent. “Only then will I marry her” , he announced. J’s parents wouldn’t budge. They were even ready to call the wedding off. But J stepped in. She liked S , and wanted to get married to him. So she reasoned with her father. Her father also saw that , S was perhaps one of the more eligible grooms in the town , and after a lot of persuasion , finally gave in.  And J’s parents , gave her a lot of lessons on proper conduct during a date , right from how she should drape her sari to  and down to what she should talk. They specifically warned her of avoiding any physical contact. It was at this point that her mother had broken down into tears.

Finally the day of the date arrived.. Her mother wished her a tearful farewell and adjusted her sari for the hundredth time. Her father dropped her off at the restaurant. S was waiting for her at the entrance. He was told brusquely by her father that , he would be back in an hour. S nodded obediently. Then , he took her inside and they both sat at a corner table. Her father , wanting to keep an eye on them , just hovered outside the entrance.

Now , S actually had different plans. He had not asked for the date , to get to know her . He already liked her. But he wanted to propose to her , like he had seen in many Hollywood movies. He only half understood those movies , but he watched them regularly on cable television. And he always saw the woman cry and say yes , and everybody around clapping , when the man proposed. And this is exactly what he wanted to. It had been a long standing fantasy of his and besides he also wanted to sweep her off her feet before he married her. And he already had made arrangements for that.

He was friends with the owner of the restaurant and had discussed this thoroughly with him. In the movies , the guy would drop the ring , in a glass of champagne , and when the girl picked up the glass to drink , she noticed the ring , would say yes and cry tears of happiness. But then , he was a good Brahmin , so there would be no champagne. So they decided to settle for a glass of Coke. The waiter would bring two glasses of coke , he would ask her to pick it up and drink it , and the rest would logically follow. He had even arranged for the clapping . The waiters would do it. It all seemed so simple yet brilliant. He was so happy with himself.

And so , according to the plan , a while after they were seated . He asked for coke. She said she didn’t like coke. He was taken aback. He hadn’t anticipated this. He had decided on coke , because it was dark enough , to conceal the ring , he didn’t want her to see it too soon. He started at her stupidly for a while , and asked how about pepsi. She said no to that also. She didn’t not like soft drinks , just water will do , she said. The plan was more and more in danger of falling apart now. He was nervous , he fidgeted for a while , and then an idea struck him. If the water was brought in a glass , she might see the ring , so he asked the waiter to bring the water , in a steel glass, which she couldn’t see through. Though he knew , she was thinking he was weird , he had no other choice.

And so water was brought in a steel glasses , and one of them had a ring in it. The one with the ring was placed before her.  And that’s when he made a fatal mistake. In his excitement and a desire to perfectly imitate the movies he had seen, he leaned over towards her , and slightly touched her hand. He wanted to hold her hand , and make a statement of sorts.

Now unfortunately , she was so conditioned not to allow physical contact , that , when she felt his hand touching hers , she suddenly jerked her hand away. And this had the doubly unfortunate effect , of knocking over the flower vase , at the center of the table , which in turn knocked over her glass of water.

He saw this . He sprung into action . The ring had fallen down to the floor , and she hadn’t noticed it yet. So he leapt out of his chair and fell down to the floor to retrieve it before she could see it. Unfortunately the ring , had fallen near her feet. And he started groping on the floor , near her feet , and in his excitement to retrieve it , he forgot everything , and lifted the hem of her saree just a teeny weeny bit , for a better view near her feet.

She was shocked. The guy , she wanted to marry , a pervert!!!! He had tried to touch her hand , and when she hadn’t allowed it , was lifting her sari!!!! She jerked upright and tried to stand all at once. She had tears in her eyes. Unfortunately , in her sudden movement , the table got knocked over ,with all the cutlery on it falling to the ground making a huge clang .

Hearing the sound , her ever alert father , rushed into the restaurant. And J , who had been standing upright , with S at her feet. , saw her father and tears streamed down her eyes. Her fiancé was a pervert , and she had defied her father to come on a date with him . And seeing him now , she wasn’t able to control herself anymore and started crying.

The waiters , who had rushed forward , to set the table upright , saw that J was crying and S was kneeling before her , holding the ring , which he had managed to retrieve.

They had been told many times , by S before , that this was their cue to clap , when they saw J crying.

And they started clapping.

*********************************************************************

Last heard , the wedding was called off.

They were desperate for his return. Her and her sons.  Her husband , had gone off saying he had to attend a meeting almost an year ago , and hadn’t returned yet.  She was sick with worry . She desperately hoped that nothing would have happened to him , yet ,somehow feared the worst. Was he seriously hurt ? Kidnapped ? Was he even alive? Or worse still , had he gotten sick of her and her children and left them for another woman or another way of life?

She had loved him dearly and had been a good wife. She cooked well , and had always kept the house clean and herself presentable for him. She would take care of the children and made sure that they didn’t get too naughty to bother him. And he had loved them too. In all their 10 years of marriage , she had never had any complaint with him. He was responsible , took good care of her , and loved the kids. True , he might have raised his voice sometimes , when he had a particularly hard day at work , and occasionally slapped her , but those instances were very rare , and she had always told herself that , being a good wife , she should take all of that in her stride.

She prayed everyday for his return. And had hoped desperately that he would. And when after 9 months of hoping and praying he hadn’t returned , she slowly started getting resigned to the fact that , he may , after all not return. It was a strange resignation , the kind that would be replaced by a longing hope again , at a faint glimmer of a chance.

But she couldn’t help crying in the night , when she lay down in her bed , with her children by her side. And the bigger problem was the children , who also cried everyday for their father. He had been very fond of them and they had loved their father. And they cried everyday for him.

One of these nights , the younger one , who was six , was crying more than usual. Someone at school , had taunted him for not knowing where his father was , and this had made him very sad. He had refused to eat that evening , after coming back from school , wouldn’t talk to anyone , and now when his mother asked , for the reason , he began crying. He wouldn’t calm down and was refusing to go to school unless told when his father would return. She didn’t know what to do. And in desperation she told him ,

“You know , how I told you papa had gone to that meeting. Its over finally, and he is coming back in a month’s time”

The little one looked suspicious , “ A month ?? Why would it take papa that long to come from Kolkata”

She didn’t know what to say. Then she added in a lighthearted tone , “ Not Kolkata silly , Papa is in the US , he had to go there . He is coming back.”

“How do you know?”, hopeful yet suspicious.

“You know , Uncle M , told me the other day over phone”, she said.

That did it . The little one was very happy . He looked up to his uncle and besides, uncle M was out of town , so he couldn’t go running to confirm from him. So she was safe for the moment.

The next day , at school , the little one , of course had to boast to his earlier tormenter. He went up to him , puffed his chest and said proudly , “I know where my papa is and he is coming back in a month. My mom told me that my Uncle M said that.”

The tormenter was dumbfounded. He had always heard his parents talk about how no body knew where the little one’s father was and that he might perhaps never come back and how unfortunate the little one’s mother was.

And so in the evening he, of course had to clear his doubt with his parents. He told his mother what the little one had said.

His mother talked to his father about  this during bed time.

Now , the father was an astrologer of some renown in that small town. He and Uncle M had been classmates and a sort of rivalry existed between them. He was never one who liked to be caught unawares and did not want Uncle M , to get all the credit for this.

The next day , when he was having tea with the postmaster he casually mentioned this and then emphatically said , “Ofcourse , I always knew this would happen. You know , the stars had always indicated this.” , then he lowered his voice for dramatic effect –the postmaster had to lean in to hear , “in fact , it was M who had lost hope that his brother in law could ever be found. I was the one who told him to keep searching . The stars are never wrong.”

The postmaster was a middle aged , devout man who had great reverence for the astrologer. And he was duly impressed with this. That night , while singing praises of the astrologer to his wife , he said , “you know , he even predicted that the poor lady’s husband is going to return , and it is happening.” .His wife was also impressed.

The postmaster’s wife was friends with the wife of the inspector of police of the town. And in the vegetable market next day , over lots of other gossip , she also told him of the astrologer’s prediction and how it was going to come true.

That evening , the inspector’s wife told her husband about this. Now , the inspector had assisted in the search for the missing husband . He had been newly appointed in the town and had been newly married to his wife , who was also from the same town. He ofcourse did not want to appear clueless in front of his wife ,”Ofcourse , I always knew it . All the signs were there , that he had gone off to some foreign country. In fact I was the one who had indicated that the investigation proceed in that direction. But then , darling , you know the work pressure , I couldn’t follow through on it. Anyways am glad that I am right.”

His wife was suitably impressed and she told her parents how her husband had helped trace out the poor lady’s husband.

Her parents were impressed too. The father was initially skeptical about his daughter’s marriage with ‘that Inspector guy’ as he called him , but now it all seemed good. He boasted to all his friends what a smart son in law he had and how the poor lady’s husband would soon return , thanks to his son in law.

So the word spread. And in two days , it was generally believed that the poor lady’s husband would return in a month.

And when M returned to town , he couldn’t believe it when at least 5 people told him that his brother in law was returning within a month. They of course , had conveniently omitted his part in it.

He rushed off to tell his sister.

“You know your husband is in some foreign country and will return in a month .Everybody is saying” , he told her.

She jumped in delight  and rushed to tell the good news to her kids.

She was neither particularly beautiful nor particularly alluring in anyway, atleast not in the conventional sense. Nor had she any particular feature that stood out or was striking to behold in any manner. In fact , she was quite plain to look at.

Her complexion could have been called dusky, but was tending more towards the darker side. She had small expressionless eyes and a rather smallish nose. Slightly sunken cheeks below rather prominent cheekbones served to give her something of a proud air. Her shoulder length hair was severely tied back into a neat ponytail. She had a large forehead ,on which were a few strands of hair ,which had escaped the severe punishment inflicted on their other brethren , and as such were showing off their rebelliousness.

She was thin of build and had smallish breasts. Her hips were wide for one with such thinness of build. She was dressed in a black, almost knee length kurti on blue jeans , which were jagged at the ends, She had on a pair of light brown floaters ,which advertised her uncut , slightly dirty toenails.

As the reader can perceive , she was quite plain . One might not have given her a second look if one had seen her on a busy street or someplace crowded. However, the place where I was then , was neither a street nor was it crowded. In fact , excluding me, her and the bookshop owner, there were two more people in there.

We were in a large used books shop. It was big but it was nothing much of a shop actually. It was on the pavement in a side alley. Lot of books were just piled on one another on raised wooden platforms. These wooden platforms were set against a 10 foot wall and this was throwing a cool shade on the shop , thus serving as protection from the sun. It was on of my favorite haunts,  the coolness of the place , combined with the collection of books , afforded one the opportunity to while away several hours pleasantly , just diving through the piles and fishing for and browsing through those books. I came here almost every weekend.

It was one such weekend , a lazy Saturday afternoon. I preferred to come here on Saturdays ,because on Sundays this place became very crowded and if you are the leisurely type , you wouldn’t want to elbow nor be elbowed while browsing through books.

She was standing a few feet away from me , leafing through a book. May be she sensed that I was looking at her , she suddenly turned in my direction and looked at me . I didn’t stop looking at her. We exchanged glances for a brief moment and she went back to her leafing.

I noticed the title of the book . It was one by Dawkins, The God Delusion . I started thinking about the book . On how well Dawkins articulates , on the cogency of his thoughts , and the almost missionary passion that he brings to atheism . However , sometimes the stridency of the book disturbed me a little. As I was thinking , I noticed that she had put that book down and had picked up Sagan’s Demon Haunted World. Ofcourse , I thought , compared to Dawkins , Sagan was so balanced , couching his arguments in a much less strident language. As I started thinking about balance , and careful language and gentle critcisim , I noticed Will Durant’s Story of Philosphy. And I could not help reflecting on his balanced and almost gentle criticisms of various philosophers. As I leafed through that book , I came across a lot of philosophers whom I had always tried to understand but could not.

As I was cursorily going through the book , wondering was there any philosopher that I understood even slightly , I noticed her picking up a title by Bertrand Russell . Ofcourse , I thought , here was a man whom I understood a little atleast . I started thinking about his writings and his most famous came to my mind “ Why Am I not a Christian” . As I was recollecting what was said in the essay , thoughts about religion , about atheism and about science started coming to my mind.  As I was thinking about them , I noticed some of the best works on science that I had ever read , selfish gene , climbing mount improbable , dragons of eden , cosmos . All of them first rate , all of them immensely pleasurable reads. As I was thinking about those books , I was thinking not about their contents , but about the  pleasures , of curiosity , of surprise ,of admiration and most commonly of discovery that are almost always associated with them.  As I was wondering , if there were any other books , by reading which I had derived so much pleasure , I noticed her leafing through a collection of short stories of Maugham .

Bingo , I thought .That was indeed one author , that I loved. I mean , his was probably some of the first novels that I had ever read. And they had left a lasting impression. As she was leafing through the book , my thoughts strayed from Maugham’s novels to his short stories and some of my favorites started coming to my mind. Lord Mount drago , alien corn , a string of beads . I reflected on his writing style , the really amazing characters , and most of all his some of his unforgettable quotes . This led me on a bylane to think about humor and thereby some of it’s practitioning authors. And ofcourse Wodehouse sprang to mind immediately. I begain thinking about his works. The eccentric characters, the rib ticklngly funny lines , and the improbable , hilarious situations. I remarked to myself that , Wodehouse’s humor indeed comes from a combination of interesting characters and improbable situations , but his humor is never insane. As I was reflecting thus , I noticed her picking up a work of Douglas Adams . Ofcourse , I thought , the undisputed emperor of insane humor.

It continued ,thus, for around two hours.

After around two hours , I noticed her coming towards me. She was smiling at me.

“Coffee honey?” , she said , “I am tired”

“Sure” , I said , “the usual place?”

“yes”, she said

As I walked out of the shop with her , she said ,” You know ,that was the one of the best conversations I ever had”

I beamed down at my wife of two years. I was so glad I had married her.